Every time I visit him, I would ask, "Do you know who I am?", sometimes he ll nod his head and say yes, and I ll ask him for my name. Sometimes he ll shake his head and say no, he dont remember, because he s old, laughing away. Then I ll tell him who I am, reminding him.

I thought that I was just afraid that he would forget about me one day as he age. Then I realised, no I wasnt just afraid of that, but I am also afraid that one day he will stop answering me. Im afraid that he would not even be able to tell me that he dont remember me, dont remember my name anymore. Im afraid that I wont be able to see him smile, and laugh away anymore. I can never forget how he always ask me for bread, and how happy he was when I "steal" some bread from the kitchen just for him to snack on.

He was not a perfect guy. He did shit that once made the family hate him, including me. But he know what he once did, and he reflect. Some say, it s too late, but to me, its never too late.

Dear 外公, please be fine.

x.

Hello Fridge/ Typewritter.

Omg, 365days have just passed. What have I done? Had my hair cut to the shortest length ever, participated in Earth Hour, getting to know amazing people, at the same time losing some that are meant to be passerby (I guess). Graduated and got my degree, found a job through a friend and have managed to stay for 9months so far (w all the rantings and shit which is still on going). Ended my drums lesson (sadly), but managed to learn a few songs by myself through Youtube, started gyming w my bitches (not enough motivation though), took a photo w Kang Gary and got the most likes on Ig (they like Kang Curry, not me, sucks), worked for F1. Started my driving lessons, and I am fucking looking forward to get my driving licence. Earn my first flight ticket to HongKong, sister got married (finally). Bought my second ticket to BKK w my bitches (it was crazy). Getting in contact w the secondary bunch, went to Jb (yes, for the first time w friends), went for Jay Chou s concert (the new sports hub sucks).

Looking at those, doesnt seem that Ive accomplish much. But Ive learn quite a bit, especially when Im away from my family, at work, and from people I got to know, and left. In fact it was quite a lot to absorb, so as to not repeat what shouldnt in the next 365days.

x.

It hurts to love someone when we cant tell them what we really feel, because sometimes we get hurt without them knowing. We get jealous even if we are not in the position to demand for it. Although our hearts are breaking in silence, we still continue to love them because somehow in this hurtful love there is still hope of having simple moments with them even if it means being just friends.

I guess?

x.

Priorities.

x.

You happy. I happy.

I not happy?

I try.

Why you no try now?

☹☹☹

x.

Say something, Im giving up on you
Ill be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I wouldve followed you
Say something, Im giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
Im still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, Im giving up on you

Im sorry that I couldnt get to you
Anywhere, I wouldve followed you
Say something, Im giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
Youre the one that I love
And Im saying goodbye

Say something, Im giving up on you
And Im sorry that I couldnt get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, Im giving up on you

Say something, Im giving up on you
Say something

x.

Ever since that day everything got erased, I learn that visible words/ text msges meant nothing. Nothing at all, cause one day it will be gone.

But I know myself, what Ive said, what Ive wrote, I meant every single word, even when it s gone. Im not sure about others, but that s for me. Words have their own magical power, that could be combined with other words to create powerful spells. Or maybe only words that comes from people who has that magical power of making every word feels so powerful to you. It s a good thing if you know that these people will always be there, it s a bad thing if you know that their existance was only for a short period of time, and you can never guess when they will decide to leave you hanging all by yourself.



The only thing that s worst than losing someone, is losing yourself.

I wanted to ask so badly, like I always do, and I did. But I shouldnt. Ive held you down for quite sometimes, and Im srsly sorry, and thank you. You meant so much to me, and will always meant that much.

But the next one who has the ability like you, would definitely meant much more.

x.

I miss you with no subtext. No guilt, no anger, no expectation that youll fix it. I dont want you to feel bad or to tell me it will get better. This is where we are meant to be right now - me apart from you, my hands a little empty and my heart a little sad.

I just miss you. I wanted you to know.

x.

I dream a happy dream and I realised a happy dream makes me feel even more sad when I wake up. In the first place, I shouldnt dream a happy dream.

x

Your existence have made the air flammable. These walls are just paper, and blood are gasoline. You shouldnt have come here, made of fireworks, if you didnt want me to play with fire.

x.